Footprints of a Massive Funk

‘The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you’ Tony Robbins

I’m feeling so out of sorts at the moment. A combination of many things i think, my mostly it feels like i’m losing control of myself a little bit.

I did my first fit test of Insanity tonight and i actually performed much worse on some of the exercises than the first time round. I also know that i’ll have gained about 3lbs this week as a result of over indulging over the bank holiday weekend last weekend, which will have undone all the hard work I’ve done with diet and exercise since insanity started.

I’m going on a hen do on Saturday, where i only know 2 of the 16 people going and that makes me anxious. I’m usually pretty ok around new people and can chew the fat with most people but it’s different being one of the oddbods in an already established friendship group, it’s easy for them to just talk to the people they know because there’s enough people there they know to not have to make and effort with the newbies. I’m also going to a wedding in September and having a crisis of confidence about my outfit choices, and with clothes and styling something that normal comes quite naturally to me, the fact that i’m starting to dither over dresses and fascinators and accessories feels uncomfortable for me.

On a personal and more serious note, my husband started his new job this week and is a bit overwhelmed by it all, which is making me feel on edge, because i don’t like seeing him stressed and unhappy. My best friend is trying to cope with her mum’s recent diagnosis of non treatable stomach cancer and if having a tough time at work and although she appears to be coping amazingly well, it worries me that she’s bottling up her feelings and just staying strong to save face.

In isolation all these things are probably just normal everyday stresses of life but this week they all seemed to have culminated and are constantly swirling around my head and it’s bringing me down. The common sense side of me tells me to keep at the exercise and not let a blip demotivate me, the girls this weekend will be lovely and i’ll have a great time, i’ll look fantastic at the wedding, hubs will settle into his job soon enough and my bestie will get through whatever she needs to get through with the right love and support but when everything encompasses you all at once it’s sometimes hard to believe those common sense thoughts and think but what if? What if things aren’t ok? What then?

I don’t like the feeling of having lost control of almost every aspect of your life and being unable to see any logical way would without something drastic changing. I hope that it’s just a funk, i just find i weird that one small worry can have a butterfly effect and make everything else seem unmanageable as well.

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