‘Dolly Parton, she’s got her knockers…’ – My Dad
There are certain things that are sacred and individual to woman; your makeup routine for example (liquid foundation, mascara, powder, bronzer if you were wondering) the amount of times you’ll attempt french plaiting your own hair before throwing a tantrum vowing to shave it all off, and how you put your bra on. Personally, I’ve always been in awe of woman who can put their bra on and fasten it at the back, it’s so adult and grown up and something I assumed I would just learn how to do once I reached an appropriate bra wearing age. Although looking at my little beestings you may well assume I still haven’t reached appropriate bra wearing age, I am in fact 33. and I’m still unable to put my bra on like a grown woman. I’m firmly in the ‘fasten it up first the put it on like a jumper’ camp.
Patti Wood, a human behavioral expert, decided it was her business to delve into the scared world of the way women put their bras on, and reckons that how your mobilise your sprout pouch says a lot about your personality. Every woman apparently falls into one of 4 main categories:
The Back Clasper
If you’re a back clasper (i.e and adult) then you’re apparently a ‘supporter’ which makes sense to me seeing as I always assumed it was only mums who we able to do this, because you know, mums are great and do everything properly. If you’re a supporter you’re methodical, careful and thoughtful (again, like a mum!) so it stands to reason that you adopt the tried and tested way of encasing your jubblies.
The ‘Clasp at the front then swivel’
You my friend (yes you!) are an influencer, you sly little fox you! You’re charming, charismatic and love to be noticed (erm hang on, if that were true this would be the way I would put my tit sling on, surely?) It also means you probably like a little bit of naughty or brightly coloured lingerie (that’s not me, I’m beige and practical all the way). You’re basically Samantha form Sex and the City, you harlot.
The owner of a front clasping bra
I’d always asumed if you owned a front clasping bra, you were either someone who likes it off often and quickly or you were some kind of fembot superhero who needed to change into costume at a drop of a hat (therefore a total badass). When you think about it really though a front clasing bra makes perfect sense. Especially for girls with teeny dinosaur arms like me who can’t navigate round the back without use of her eyes. Anyway, I digress, if you’re a front clasper you’re comanding. You simply do not have time in your hectic glamorous lifestyle to bother with time consuming tasks like putting on your floppem schtoppem (as I believe they’re called in Germany).
The ‘Clasp then over your head’
Hooray! #claspersoverthehead4life surely this is the way that makes the most logical sense?! You can get everything done right before your can hands have even touched your body. Apparently if you choose this method (according to Patti) you’re a ‘careful corrector’. You’re a bit of a control freak and you like things done methodically from start to finish. You’re cautious and analytic by nature (that sounds quiet like me to be fair). Oh and she also reckons you’re most likely to be a serial killer (wait, what?!)
So there you have it, all very interesting, although much like star signs and the theory that everyone in the world falls into one of 12 categories, I find it hard to believe every woman falls under one of these 4 personality types. Besides, I haven’t murdered anyone in weeks now…!