National Honesty Day – the truth behind every lie I’ve told

‘I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies’ -Pietro Aretino

30th April is National Honesty Day. Didn’t know that did you? It was apparently invented by a dude called M. Hirsh Goldberg (a former press secretary of Maryland and author) who chose the last day of April for two reasons. Firstly since the first day of that month, which is April Fools’ Day, celebrates lies and pranks and secondly it is the anniversary of the First inauguration of George Washington on April 30th, 1789, and we all know how honest he was (or was that Abraham Lincoln? History has never been my strongest suit) Anyway I digress…

I would never describe myself as a liar; I don’t have a good enough memory to be any good at it. However I am happy to confess that I can be, on occasion a massive, massive fibber. I’m not talking about anything serious by any means, and never anything that could cause any trouble or hurt to anyone else, but you know, I have been in the past, a believer that you should never let the truth get in the way of a good story. An over active embellisher is you will.

So, in the spirit of National Honesty Day and Honesty being the very basis on which this blog has written I’ve decided to right all the wrongs of my overexcited loose tongue, and tell the truth about all the little white lies I’ve told over the years with a few confessions thrown in there for good measure:

• My favourite films aren’t The Shawshank Redemption or Life of David Gale; they’re Dangerous Minds and Space Jam

• I’m not as naturally blonde as I make out – it’s sandy blonde at best, there’s a lot of dough spent to pass these highlights off as natural

• My glasses are the lowest prescription you can possibly get and I wear them way more than I really need to because I secretly like the hipster look

• Whereas I totally totally support body confidence and natural beauty in all shapes and sizes; I would have botox and liposuction before you’d even finished reading this sentence if I could afford it.

• When people tell me they’ve been ill and hope their partner doesn’t catch whatever lurgy they have, I often tell them that people who live in close quarters tend to become immune to each other. I have no idea if this is scientifically true or not. It just sounds good and seems to make people feel better

• I’m not really allergic to honey or mushrooms, I just absolutely hate the way they taste and people accept it more if you say you’re allergic rather than just don’t like something, which apparently makes you a fussy eater

• I was never in Byker Grove. A rumour started due to a case of mistaken identity at my old work which I just never corrected.

• Despite being covered by way more credible artists like LL Cool J, Mary J Blige and Maverick Sabre, my favourite version of Chaka Khan’s classic ‘Ain’t Nobody’ is the one by Liberty X

• It bothers me more than I let on that I didn’t go to University. I make out that it’s because it just wasn’t right for me at the time and I wanted to start earning money, however the truth is I genuinely believed I wasn’t clever enough so didn’t bother trying.

• As much as I try and come across all bubbly and people-centric, I can get incredibly shy sometimes to the point where I’ve had a panic attack before attending a party at the thought of having to speak to lots of people I don’t know very well

• I have 10 tracks on my phone by Billie Piper, which I’m sure will surprise some to hear she released that much (some are even album tracks) what’s worse is that I really like them all. Like, a LOT!

• I’m not entirely sure which one’s Kendall and which one’s Kylie….

Phew, I feel so much better now….