‘Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage’ – Zig Ziglar
Weddings are a crazy business. I got engaged in September 2011 in Cuba and married in March 2013 and despite promising myself, and everyone around me that I wasn’t going to start planning anything until after the Christmas; that I just wanted a few months to ‘be engaged’, I was at my first wedding fair within hours of getting off the flight. Other than the odd month here and there, I would say it probably did take that whole time to plan the wedding. It’s utterly bonkers that it should take 18 months to plan one day, but in our case, it did.
Engagement fun in Cuba
Of course I didn’t make things easy for myself. Within that 18 month period we also moved house, I changed jobs, and my grandma passed away. Add that to the stress of planning a wedding, you’ve got 4 of the five most stressful life events you can go though (according to wikipedia). I’m not trying to sound ungrateful; I loved planning my wedding, and I had great help from my mum and bridesmaid, in that 18 month period the three of us were like the CIA of weddings, there was nothing we didn’t know or wasn’t under control. And it was great fun!
The wedding came and went, as did the honeymoon, both of which were fantastic (all down to the expert planning of course). What I hadn’t planned for though, or what no one had told me about, was the serious, serious post wedding blues that followed in May 2013, after coming back from an utterly amazing month in Australia and New Zealand.
It had never crossed my mind before to be honest; I naively thought that coming back from honeymoon would feel like the beginning of something not the end. Of course we’d lived together since 2008 so it’s not like back in the olden days when you’d be embarking on a brand new adventure of cohabitation. It was back to work, and back to normal life with less of a bump, and more of an ankle breaking thud. Our life had been so swept up in wedding fever for essentially the last 2 years and now we were home and it was all over, I had nothing to do.
I’ll level with you, the title of this post is somewhat misleading as I genuinely don’t believe there’s anything that can truly eradicate post wedding blues, I think they’re an inevitable part of the process that you just have to accept and try and muddle through the best you can, like a dentist appointment or job interview; not pleasant, but necessary.
There are however a few things you can do though that might provide a small amount of damage limitation:
Get your documents changed asap
This will sound rich coming from me seeing as (no word of a lie) it took me 3 years to change my driving license and just an FYI this creates an awkward encounter with the authorities when you skid of the road and write your car off some years later and your license doesn’t match the name you give them. My advice would be start with your passport first, because if you have an electronic passport that will make changing your driving license smoother as the DVLA can pull information from the passport agency. It’s not the most exciting task in the world but if there’s a to-do list shaped void in your life it might give you the sense of accomplishment you’ve been missing
Catch up on your post wedding admin
Much like getting your documents changed this isn’t the most thrilling job in the world but it will certainly keep you busy. Get your thank you cards ordered and written out. It also gives you the opportunity to read through all the lovely wedding cards you got on the day if you didn’t have chance to read before you jetted off on honeymoon. You don’t even have to write bespoke messages on them if you don’t want to, many thank you cards these days come nicely printed with everything you want to say already, but after all the effort everyone put in to make your big day so special, they will be greatly received.
Do couply things
You’re married now, hurray! You have more jurisdiction over telling your other half what to do! Take advantage of the post-honeymoon honeymoon period and do loads of stuff together. I bought a diary and filled it with all kinds of stuff together from day trips out to York, concert tickets, cinema nights and even Wetherspoons curry nights just to try and have fun things to look forward to. Ok so curry and a drink for a fiver once a week isn’t quite the same as skydiving over the Great Barrier Reef but it gets you out the house. And wine eases the pain.
Catch up with your friends
It’s highly likely that you’ve been pretty self-absorbed over the last couple of months (or years), waking up in a cold sweat thinking out centre pieces and whether or not your cousin Liz should actually be Elizabeth on the place cards (not that this ever happened to me of course, ahem) and as a result you may have neglected some of your nearest and dearest in the whirlwind. Take this opportunity to arrange some proper catch ups and find out what they’ve been up to recently. The phrase ‘it’s not always all about you, you know’ is spoken in my house almost on a daily basis, however in the run up to your wedding, it kind of is, so give your besties some TLC for a change.
Get all that wedding booze drunk
I’m a firm believer that wine makes the good times better and the bad times barable so take advantage of the fact you’ve got a fridge full of swanky plonk that you’d almost never buy yourself and have cosy nights in talking about how incredible your new married life is going to be and how you’re both going to take over the world (perhaps that’s just us?). Did I mention wine eases the pain?
Write a bucketlist
In the immortal words of the Spice Girls, 2 have now become 1. You’re now on a shared path to enlightenment so why not make a long term bucketlist of things you want to achieve together? Places you want to visit, activities you want to do, even starting a family, thinking of baby names or getting your mortgage paid off? After all of the planning that goes into it, it’s easy to think of your wedding day as the end goal but it needn’t be, it’s the beginning of your new life together so why not plan to make it great?
So in conclusion I think when it comes to post wedding blues the struggle is real, however there is light at the end of the tunnel if you use some binoculars and squint really hard.
Failing any of that just drink your way through it until you settle back into a routine again.