I’m a lyrics girl, over a beats girl, always have been, always will be. And a good lyric will always leap out to me more so than the music will (that’s not to see I don’t appreciate a good beat when I’m out dancing with the girls. Anyway, suffice to say, I know my lyric and as such, it means that a shit lyric also sticks out a mile off. I’ve never been shy of professing my love for the Backstreet Boys and love them I do. But let’s be honest Shakespeare they are not.
And being such an enthusiast and knowing pretty much their entire back catalogue inside and out, when it comes to shit lyrics, they have some humdingers:
‘Time goes on and on everyday’ – Time (Black & Blue)
Woah, woah back up there Aristotle, not sure the world is ready for that level of philosophy!
‘Girl wanna walk you home from school, wanna help you do your homework’ – Give Me Your Heart (non album track)
Step away from the school aged girls lads, no good will come of this. And having seen the state of the grammar on some of their tweets, they’d be a hindrance rather than a help when it comes to homework.
‘Who are you the sex police?’ – New Love (DNA)
As far as you’re concerned. Yes, yes I am. If you have to ask, the answer’s no.
‘She opens up just like a rose to me, when she’s close to me’ – Helpless When She Smiles (Unbreakable)
Apart from being a shit rhyming couplet, I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt that this refers to her feelings and not something smuttier
‘I don’t care if he buys you nice things. Does his gifts come from the heart?’ – All I Have To Give (Backstreet’s Back)
Well? Does they? No, I suspect they doesn’t.
‘We’d be at the club, the restaurant, the grocery store or the movies, kissing and touching with my hands all over your booty’ – PDA (This is Us)
Who wrote this? A 12 year old who still giggles when he hears the word ‘boobies’ and searches for porn in the woods at the weekend?
‘No one else can teach me how to love again cause you left a permanent stain on my heart’ – Permanent Stain (In A World Like This)
The phrase ‘Permanent Stain’ is probably the most least romantic way of telling someone they’ve made an impact on you in the history of words
‘Remember when, we never needed each other, the best of friends like sister and brother’ – How Did I Fall In Love With You (Black & Blue)
I mean, I know half of them are from Kentucky but come on…
‘I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did, as long as you love me’ As Long As You Love Me (Backstreet’s Back)
Everything ok at home boys? I mean you don’t sell yourselves short, sometimes you should care what they did, especially if it’s related to posting homophobic, transphobic nonsense on Facebook.
The day has begun, the line’s out the door, serving up fraps until she can’t take anymore’ – One In a Million (Unbreakable)
There’s something about the word ‘fraps’ that just sound so painfully mid 00’s and really, really jars with me for some reason. ‘Drinks’ would work so much better in my humble opinion