I’m not really one for regrets per se but I think there’s undoubtedly some things in life that I got wrong; whether it be a decision I made, something I said or even something I ate. Things that if I were able to go back and do again, I would do differently. And of course that’s the beauty of hindsight isn’t it? You make decisions based on the information you have at the time, and it’s only with hindsight you learn more and realise that wasn’t the smartest move.
The spanish have a phrase which is Me cago en la leche and is used when things don’t quite go right or go the way you’d planned. It literally translates to ‘I’ve shit in the milk’. And now ‘I’ve shit in the milk’ is something we say regularly in our house; if someone drops a full bottle of bacardi on the floor trying to put it in our optics rack, or puts too much lime in the margaritas. So without further ado, here’s a small but perfectly formed list of things I’ve thought ‘yeah I’ve shit in the milk there’…
Getting a fringe cut
Starting with the most important first, obviously, but twice in my 20s I decided I could pull off a fringe. I think I was worried I was getting premature wrinkles (I wasn’t) and wanted to cover them up. Problem is, I have quite a prominent cows lick on the right hand side which meant I had to severely blow dry the fringe down in place every day, meaning third degree burns were worringly close, I also think, in hindsight, it just didn’t suit me.
Trampolining after drinking too much bacardi
Dave and I had been together about 6 months by the time we took our first holiday to Zante together. It was lovely just getting some sunshine and going out drinking and dancing at night. I think we must have still been in that ‘trying to impress each other’ stage of the relationship as I thought it would be a good idea to hop on some public trampolines to show him my moves. And when I say my moves I mean back flips, somersaults, the lot (#humblebrag – I was quite the trampolinist in my youth). Problem was I’d drank a lot of Bacardi that night, which decided, half an hour later to come back the way it went in. To add insult to injury we were supposed to be getting up early the next morning to fly home. Which we did I’m pleased to say. But it was not a journey I enjoyed and even writing this now is making me feel queasy.
Eat fish for lunch before a big session
Sticking with the drinking theme (they’re not all about being drunk I promise) another lesson learnt was that there’s a good reason people tell you to line your stomach before drinking. I decided I would be ‘healthy’ and have the fish option when out for lunch with some friends, and followed it up with A LOT of wine. Needless to say that wine went the same direction as the Bacardi and I was extremely poorly when I got home at about 10am. I was also at work the next day and tried very hard but very unsuccessfully to mask my raging hangover. How I wasn’t sacked (or at the very least sent home) I’ve no idea.
Thinking I had to have it all figured out by the time I was 25
Ang winds me up often about the fact when we left school I was obsessed with having the ‘life plan’ ie I wanted to be in a relationship by XX, married by XX, kids by XX’. And I don’t think that’s necessarily uncommon, but it’s also not based on any fact whatsoever. You can’t predict when the right person is going to walk into your life (as it happened, he walked into mine when I was 13 years old, I just didn’t realise it until I was 21) and you also don’t know what else life is going to throw at you. Did I ever think I would be 40 and have had life changing surgery? No, but am I upset about it? Absolutely not. I’m almost 41 and I still don’t have it all figured out.
Not my finest moment. I’m not a particularly confident driver at the best of times and this definitely made that worse. But in 2015 I skidded off the road in my home town of Cramlington and smashed into a sign warning you that the road is slippery (ironic) and ended up backwards in a ditch. In my defence it has rained heavily that morning but then the sun came out so the road surface was this weird oil type affair and I just aquaplaned straight off. But I was also going too fast, my music was too loud and I was preoccupied with getting ready to go on holiday a few days later. It took me a while to get my confidence back but has definitely made me more careful. I still can’t listen to LMFAO when I’m driving though.
Wasting time worrying about my weight
I have a full blog post coming up on this but my 20s and 30s have been pretty marred by dieting of some sort. Every memory that comes up I’m jealous of how I looked back then and wish I looked like that again. Problem is, at the time I would have been unhappy with my weight then too. If this year has taught me anything it’s that nothing else matters if you don’t have your health and health doesn’t always mean physical. I went through some pretty miserable times when I was thinner too and in fact was doing some really unhealthy things in order to achieve them as well. I am much better at focusing on overall health these days and if that means I’m happier at a size 12 than I am at a size 8 then so be it.