How do you wear your bra in the morning?

‘Dolly Parton, she’s got her knockers…’ – My Dad

There are certain things that are sacred and individual to woman; your makeup routine for example (liquid foundation, mascara, powder, bronzer if you were wondering) the amount of times you’ll attempt french plaiting your own hair before throwing a tantrum vowing to shave it all off, and how you put your bra on. Personally, I’ve always been in awe of woman who can put their bra on and fasten it at the back, it’s so adult and grown up and something I assumed I would just learn how to do once I reached an appropriate bra wearing age. Although looking at my little beestings you may well assume I still haven’t reached appropriate bra wearing age, I am in fact 33. and I’m still unable to put my bra on like a grown woman. I’m firmly in the ‘fasten it up first the put it on like a jumper’ camp.

Patti Wood, a human behavioral expert, decided it was her business to delve into the scared world of the way women put their bras on, and reckons that how your mobilise your sprout pouch says a lot about your personality. Every woman apparently falls into one of 4 main categories:

The Back Clasper

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If you’re a back clasper (i.e and adult) then you’re apparently a ‘supporter’ which makes sense to me seeing as I always assumed it was only mums who we able to do this, because you know, mums are great and do everything properly. If you’re a supporter you’re methodical, careful and thoughtful (again, like a mum!) so it stands to reason that you adopt the tried and tested way of encasing your jubblies.

The ‘Clasp at the front then swivel’

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You my friend (yes you!) are an influencer, you sly little fox you! You’re charming, charismatic and love to be noticed (erm hang on, if that were true this would be the way I would put my tit sling on, surely?) It also means you probably like a little bit of naughty or brightly coloured lingerie (that’s not me, I’m beige and practical all the way). You’re basically Samantha form Sex and the City, you harlot.

The owner of a front clasping bra

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I’d always asumed if you owned a front clasping bra, you were either someone who likes it off often and quickly or you were some kind of fembot superhero who needed to change into costume at a drop of a hat (therefore a total badass). When you think about it really though a front clasing bra makes perfect sense. Especially for girls with teeny dinosaur arms like me who can’t navigate round the back without use of her eyes. Anyway, I digress, if you’re a front clasper you’re comanding. You simply do not have time in your hectic glamorous lifestyle to bother with time consuming tasks like putting on your floppem schtoppem (as I believe they’re called in Germany).

The ‘Clasp then over your head’

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Hooray! #claspersoverthehead4life surely this is the way that makes the most logical sense?! You can get everything done right before your can hands have even touched your body. Apparently if you choose this method (according to Patti) you’re a ‘careful corrector’. You’re a bit of a control freak and you like things done methodically from start to finish. You’re cautious and analytic by nature (that sounds quiet like me to be fair). Oh and she also reckons you’re most likely to be a serial killer (wait, what?!)

So there you have it, all very interesting, although much like star signs and the theory that everyone in the world falls into one of 12 categories, I find it hard to believe every woman falls under one of these 4 personality types. Besides, I haven’t murdered anyone in weeks now…!

The Perfect February Weekend

‘Weekends are special even if your schedule is all over the place. Something tells you the weekend has arrived and you can indulge yourself a bit’ – Helen Mirren

I feel like life’s on a bit of a conveyor belt at the moment, just a constant loop of work, weekend, work, weekend etc. It’s still a good month before we go on our first holiday of the year and whilst the weeks are going quickly, the weekends are flying past at supersonic speed. As far as my weekends have gone recently, I’d say this one we’ve just had has been pretty damn near perfect. It’s made me stop for a second and be thankful for the small things in life that we sometimes take for granted when we’re on that work/weekend treadmill.

It kicked off on Friday night with babysitting our niece and nephew with wine, pizza and reality TV

Friday Night

Saturday morning started off right with a cheeky 12km run knocked out the park by 11am followed by a slap up breakfast at my parents house (scrambled eggs on a marmite bagel with a side poached eggs and some well done toast – which, weirdly is exactly how I like it! – YUM!)

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Saturday night was definitely cause for celebration as we toasted my dad’s retirement from the British Army. Champagne flowed in copious amounts all night!

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L-R: Sister-in-law, brother, dad, mum, hubby, me

All that champagne didn’t make for the most energetic start to Sunday morning I must admit but I did manage to pull myself round, slap on a bit of make up, pull some snuggly boots on and hop on the metro to meet Katie (www.beautyandthebaker.co.uk) for coffee & cake on the Quayside (try saying that 3 times fast!) Funnily enough she was also feeling rather fragile from her drunken antics on Friday night as well so we consoled each other with some chocolately sugary goodness at the wonderful Great British Cupcakery.

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So other than feeling slightly ‘tired and emotional’ this morning, and the prospect that my run outside yesterday morning may have brought on a slight head cold, I would say all in all it’s been a pretty successful weekend all round! Let’s hope the forthcoming week goes over just as quickly as the weekend has as I look forward to a loved up Valentines weekend with the hubby!

Scissor Happy Sally: My Unhappy Haircut

‘The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is two weeks’ – My Mum

One of my new years resolutions every year is to try and learn a new language. However today at my local hair salon I learnt that I actually needn’t bother with that resolution as I clearly speak a foreign language already. A language were the phrase ‘I’m growing it, so please just a trim on the ends’ translates to ‘please hack a new layer and completely restyle it’!

So my hair has gone from this:

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To this

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Today marked a first for me as it’s the first time I’ve ever gone back to my hairdressers because I’ve been so unhappy (I normally just bitch and moan at home, grow it our and swear never to go back again!) At first it looked like two different haircuts, long at the bottom and short on top; a mullet if you will. At the end of the day I paid £65 for the cut and highlights (which I love btw) that I don’t think I should be that unhappy with it. She was fine about it (what she said about me after I left is anyone’s guess). She thinned out the top layer a ton so it’s loads better but I still I don’t like the short layer over my ear and now there’s less weight on the underneath I’m worried it will flick out. Any girl who’s trying to grow her hair out will testify that the dreaded ‘flicking out’ stage is a nightmare.

So I know it’s not totally drastically different, and it’s not a bad haircut by any means. Putting everything into perspective I know there are women out there who for whatever reason would love to have my hair (in either picture) and it will grow pretty quickly. What really annoys me the most is that it’s simply not what I asked for. Speaking to some of my girlfriends and it seems like everyone has come across a Scissor Happy Sally a few times in their lives so it’s nice to know I’m not alone and sounds like it’s just a rite of passage I need to go through as a woman! Thank heavens we’ve just had a flurry of snow and it’s still hat season!

Now where’s that link to those vitamins that make your hair grow quickly…..

What Do You Get The Girl Who Has Everything?

‘In suggesting gifts; money is appropriate, and one size fits all’ – William Randolph Hearst

I don’t know about you but I have a distinct feeling that the older you get the harder you become to buy for. Gone are the days when I had a Christmas List as long as my arm full of cds, and gadgets or earmarking every other page in the back of the Argos catalogue.  I had a few things on my list (as mentioned here) but nothing major, and I really struggled giving people ideas of what they could get me.

Luckily, this Christmas I discovered the answer to the age old question ‘What do you get the girl who has everything’? Turns out, what you get her, is this:

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It’s a bracket that sticks to the side of the bath so you can have a glass of wine whilst having that lovely Friday night, post gym, thank fluff the weekend is here soak. The funny thing is, I didn’t even know how much I needed this in my life until i got it! Here’s mine in action:

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Bath time at the Newman’s just got way more fun!

Get your own Bath wine glass holder from the Handpicked Collection here (psst. it’s in the sale at the moment!)

MTV’s The Challenge: Battle of the Exes 2 Drinking Game

‘All’s fair in love, war and challenges’ – Johnny Bananas

I wouldn’t even go so far as to say that MTV’s Real World/Road Rules spin of show The Challenge is one of my guilty pleasures, I don’t feel guilty about how much I love this show at all!

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Anyone who watches the show regularly will know that there are a lot of common themes that show up time and time again each season, so I figured, why not marry that with the only love of my life; booze!

I’ve devised a very simple drinking game to spice up your viewing experience of the current season (Battle of the Exes 2) which kicked off this week*

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We’ll start off gently….

Take a sip every time….

  • Someone is referred to as a ‘veteran’ or ‘fresh meat’
  • Someone is voted into an elimination round by the rest of the cast
  • Someone cries (for any reason)
  • Someone smack talks another cast member in a VT
  • The word ‘alliance’ is mentioned

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Take two sips every time……

  • A clue is received from TJ on whatever mobile device is being shamelessly plugged this season
  • TJ says ‘get it done’ or ‘you need to pick it up’
  • Someone is topless (girls or guys) when there’s no requirement to be ie. Not in the shower, sleeping, swimming etc
  • Someone refers to Johnny Bananas as simply ‘Bananas’

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Finish your drink every time…

  • CT wins a challenge
  • The least popular team wins an elimination round & the remaining teams are pissed off
  • There’s a hookup
  • There’s a breakup

Now to ramp up a little…

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Take a shot every time…

  • Someone is stumped by a puzzle
  • An item of furniture is thrown
  • TJ announces some kind of twist
  • Johnny Bananas refers to himself in the third person

And finally….

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Take 2 shots every time…..

  • TJ says how much he hates quitters
  • Someone says ‘balls to the wall’ or ‘going for the W’
  • The location of the challenge changes
  • Someone gets sent home for breaking the rules

*it goes without saying that this is all just a bit of fun, please drink responsibly!

Seaside Newmans

‘Celebrate what you want to see more of’ – Tom Peters

Christmas 2014 crept up on us as it invariably does and I was lucky enough this year to have some time off work between Christmas and New Year to have some well deserved family time. What was different about this year is that we booked a cottage up in Beadnell on the Northumberland coast for the weekend after New Year with both sets of parents plus Dave’s sister, husband and 2 children.

It’s not something we’ve ever done before and I wasn’t sure how well it would work, the 10 of us in a house together for 3 nights, but we had an absolutely brilliant time. The weather was perfect, and having a mini holiday at the end of the festive break, made the whole period seem that little bit longer, rather than sitting around at home waiting for the inevitable return to work blues.

Below is a little video of our weekend’s adventure…

 

Misheard Song Lyrics

‘I think as long as a song has beautiful lyrics, I’m so happy’ Julie Andrews

Over the Christmas period when the family were all together we all got talking about misheard song lyrics we believed to be true as children (or maybe even adults), so I’ve listed some of the most chucklesome ones that came up in conversation below, feel free to too your own in the comments box!

Artist Song Actual Lyric Misheard Lyric Misheard By
Sound of Music OST So Long, Farewell Auf wiedersehen goodbye Our feet are saying goodbye Dad
Gwen Stefani Hollaback Girl I ain’t no hollerback girl I ain’t no harlem black girl Wishes to remain anonymous
Earth Wind & Fire Boogie Wonderland Dance! Boogie Wonderland Dance! Boogie with your dad Me
Adele Chasing Pavements Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements Should I give up or should I just keep chasing payments Ali
Eternal I Wanna Be The Only One My Lord you do Je mange tout Emma
Rita Ora Hot Right Now Hot Right Now Half price now Tara
KD Lang Constant Craving Constant Craving Can’t stand gravy Faye
Eva Cassidy Somewhere Over the Rainbow Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie Louise
Oceanic Insanity Take me, into insanity, oh yeah. Dream trippin yeah. That’s where I wanna be. Take me, into insanity, oh yeah. Green kippers yeah. That’s where I wanna be. Alan
Toto Africa I bless the rains down in Africa I left some brains down in Africa Me
Eiffel 65 Blue I’m blue da ba de da ba die I’m blue if I was green I would die Aileen
Idina Menzel Let It Go Let it go, let it go, can’t hold it back any more Let it go, let it go, can’t honey back any more Darcy (aged 5)
Michael Jackson Black or White I’m not going to spend my life being a colour I’m not going to spend my life being a brother Angela
The Automatic Monster What’s that coming over the hill is it a monster What’s that coming over the hill is it a rockstar Angela
Fall Out Boy This Ain’t a Scene This aint a scene it’s a goddam arms race This ain’t a scene it’s a goddam arse face Garry
Madonna La Isla Bonita a young girl with eyes like the desert A young girl with eyes like potatoes Me

Some further material if you want to see what other people have being mishearing all these years: http://www.kissthisguy.com/