Is it possible to drink yourself sober?

‘Don’t you know there ain’t no devil, it’s just god when he’s drunk’ – Tom Waits

It’s no secret that I enjoy a glass bottle of wine or two on a weekend so I believe I’m able to speak with some authority when it comes to being drunk. I’m afraid to say as well that I’m probably one of those annoying drunks who speaks too loud, has an opinion on everything, exposes everyone’s secrets then ends the night crying.

20160227_165357Who doesn’t love being in the pub at 2pm?!

My absolute favourite type of drinking is daytime drinking. Having a glass of wine with lunch in a pub on a Saturday (or Sunday if you’re not at work the next day) afternoon is the stuff dreams are made of. Of course that glass of wine with lunch inevitably leads to a few post drinks and before you know it it’s 5pm and you’re eyeballs deep in a session! So in my vast experience in all different types of drinking, it occurred to last Christmas day when we were cracking over the 6th bottle of wine (there were 10 of us!) is it actually possible to drink yourself sober?

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First, in true L’Oreal style, here comes the science bit so concentrate…It takes your liver approximately 1 hour to metabolise 1 unit of alcohol so technically if you drink less than 1 unit an hour you’ll never really be drunk (and where’s the fun in that?) so if you drank 5 pints it would take you 15 hours to fully sober up. In short, no, it is not medically possible to drink yourself sober.

We/I turn to alcohol for almost everything, if I’m celebrating, commiserating, bored, tired, can’t sleep, hungry, the list goes on. And we have quite a unique drinking culture in the UK as well, daytime and binge drinking are perfectly acceptable ways of passing the time (I’m not saying it’s a productive way to spend your time; it’s just acceptable). Every time I see my American friend Meagan and we open a bottle of wine she’ll inevitably end up saying something like ‘you’re so tiny but you can drink so much!’

I am of the belief that the longer period of time you’re drinking over, the more you pace yourself therefore the less drunk you feel. For me, it’s the Christmas day effect. We start drinking (albeit very slowly with a bucks fizz at about 11am) and continue through until perhaps midnight/1am. But because you don’t have as much of a time limit as you do when you’re just out for the evening, there’s no real rush and you’re just nicely keeping the alcohol levels steadily topped up thus giving your liver chance to metabolise it a bit better. As such I usually crawl into bed on Christmas night full of turkey and bubbles and bash out a solid 11 hour sleep.

Enjoying the all inclusive lifestyle back in January

We’ve also been on a few all inclusive holidays over the last few years and whilst we’ll no doubt have put away an obscene amount of units each day, I very rarely have hangovers on holiday because it’s nicely paced out throughout the day and when you can have whatever you want whenever you want, there isn’t the rush to get absolutely piss eyed. As with Christmas, you learn very quickly what’s appropriate to drunk when for example, bucks fizz, mimosa or bloody mary; very much a breakfast drink, after 1pm pretty much anything goes then you have your whiskeys and your baileys for the strasse.

This is all very tongue in cheek and I’m of course not trying to advocate excessively unhealthy lifetsyles. I try my best wherever possible to stay fit and healthy by going to the gym regularly, eating sensibly and almost never drink 5 days out of the week unless it’s a really special occasion. I just find it interesting that after I’ve been drinking slowly throughout the day have zero hangover the next morning whereas a few too many glasses on a Friday night because I’ve had a busy week at work and the Beer Monkey* has absolutely paid a visit and opened up the gates of hangover hell.

*Beer Monkey – n. Mythical Simian like creature that magically appears during the middle of the night to ruffle your hair, crap in your mouth and steal your money while you sleep. Often visits after you’ve been out on a heavy Friday or Saturday night and is known to favour between 3-4am whilst you’re totally wankered.

5 ways to minimize your hangover

‘A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death’ – Robert Benchley

A hangover is never just mutually exclusive to Christmas time but for me at least December is certainly a time where I’m out more often which means I’m seriously burning the candle at both ends more than usual.

Despite having a semi strict (albeit flexible) ‘no mid week drinking’ rule, I’m a seasoned pro when it comes to having a few too many glasses of wine on the weekend. I’m by no means claiming to have found the all elusive cure to a hangover but I have over the years discovered some tricks that take the edge off, or at least make you look a hell of a lot fresher than you feel:

Drink water

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It’s well known that the main thing that makes you feel so crap after a night on the sauce is dehydration. And while I’ve never been able to do the whole ‘sit every other round out’ trick, I do try and order a pint of water for every second drink, just tap water with ice, which is free (and if it’s not you’re drinking in the wrong places) and is good to gulp down every now and again. It will stop you getting too drunk too quickly as well.

Invest in some rehydration tablets

I discovered the power of these when Dave was training fro ultra marathons but they actually work really well as hangover mediators. Some of my faves are Nuun (available from amazon) SiS Go Hydro (available from Sainsburys) or even some good old fashioned Berocca (although it will make your wee technicolour due to you expelling the vitamin C that your body can’t absorb). I try and take one in a pint of water before I go to sleep and 90% of the time it stops you waking up at 4am with a mouth like a gravel pit but they also work well the next morning if you forget.

Take your make up off

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Not only will your skin thank you in the morning but it also means you’re likely to sleep better because you haven’t just collapsed into bed with your dress around your neck and a stiletto up your nose. I’ve been known to suffer from chronic acne in the past to definitely need to make sure my pores are clear every chance I get, even a half arsed wash with some face wipes is better than nothing. Plus i read once that dust mites that live in your duvet LOVE to eat mascara, it’s like their version of Ben & Jerrys Phish Food. And that’s just grim isn’t it?

Smear your face in aqueous cream

I’m sure any beauty experts reading this will be screaming ‘oh my god woman what the hell is going on in your crazy drunk blonde brain?’ but I swear this works wonders for me. Obviously this is only relevant if you remember to take your make up off first, lord knows what mess you’ll wake up to the next morning if you don’t but I smear this over my face as if it’s a face mask and lie in bed face up until it soaks in, which only takes about 10 minutes and will be your natural position if the room is spinning anyway. The next morning you’ll need to wash off the residue but even if you feel red-eyed and bushy-tongued, your skin won’t give it away.

And finally (and  you’ll hate this one)…

Do some exercise

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I know (believe me I know) that exercise will be the last thing you’ll be thinking about, especially if you’ve had a few technicolour yawns the night before but I promise you that some gentle exercise will make you feel loads better. It doesn’t have to be anything too strenuous (although i do believe the more you sweat out the toxins the better you’ll feel) but even a nice long walk or bike ride in the fresh air will do you the world of good.

Failing any of the above cuddle up on the sofa with a bottle of lucozade and something greasy from Greggs and ride out the storm with Netflix

Newcastle’s Science Bar Cocktails are out of this world!

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former’– Albert Einstein
Two of my great loves in life happen to be Cocktails and Science* so when my blogging matey and fellow lover of all things weird (check out her website Crime Viral if you fancy  some bedtime reading) got in touch and asked if I wanted to come along to Science Bar and try out some of their new cocktails, well I’ve always loved a good experiment **.so who am I to turn an offer like that down. All in the name of research of course.
Science bar has been quietly knocking around for a while now settled in-between Central Station and the Royal Station Hotel. It’s easy to miss, although it always has been my bar of choice over Centurion when loitering around the station for whatever reason. Their location close to the Institute of Genetic Medicine at the Centre for Life makes them popular with science students and as such they’ve developed a really cool and interesting cocktail menu that I’m sure even Sheldon Cooper himself would be impressed by.
Thanks Mandy (who selflessly sat and got drunk with me!) @ Mandy Charlton Photograhy for these pictures!
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I don’t think it would be an exaggeration to say that I have in the past enjoyed the odd cocktail or two so I’m quite aware of the old favourites that seem to get churned out time after time (I’m looking at you Cosmopolitan) so it’s super refreshing to see a cocktail list where everything is completely different. All named with a science or sci-fi theme there’s some pretty funky chemical reactions going on with these drinks let me tell you and if the science of cocktail making was on my GCSE exam then perhaps I would have gotten higher than a C.
The ‘Showstopper’ for me was without a doubt the Gallileo which is made with squid ink to get the black colour and the melting lime juice ice ball in the middle is made to look the earth floating around in the solar system before it melts and turns into a rather refreshing Margarita (my all-time favourite cocktail)
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Taste wise though my favourite was The Darkside because, well anything that tastes exactly like blackjacks and comes with its own light sabres will always be a winner with me, in fact I’d go so far as to say that it could have been invented by my 8 year self and my big brother.
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The prices are all around the £6/£7 mark (all cocktails are £5 on Mondays) which is fairly standard for a cocktail in the centre of town these days and A for effort for branches out and stepping away from the monotony of Mojitos and Manhattans.
*only one of these is true
** this is definitely not true

Contact details:

Neville St
Newcastle upon Tyne

Tel: 07886 126409
Facebook: Science Bar
Twitter: @sciencebarncl

Partners in Wine – Meet the Gang

‘We’re sleeping late but were not lazy we’re getting older but were still crazy. I’m so glad that I have these friends of mine’ – Bowling for Soup

Established on my hen do in York in 2013 ‘Partners in Wine’ have taken it upon themselves to sample what Newcastle upon Tyne (and beyond) has to offer 5 Prosecco addicts and report back our findings. It’s a science really is what it is.

One of our favourite games to play in a bar or pub that has an extensive cocktail menu is Cocktail Roulette where we close our eyes and pick a cocktail blind. Only rules are you HAVE to drink whatever you choose however you do get one veto ingredient that if the chosen cocktail contains that, you get to pick again. Yep, we’re THAT crazy!

Here’s a little bit more about the partners, in case you cared:

Ang

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Aka: AB, Flange, Shandy Pants
Favourite Drink: Rum & Coke
Favourite Cocktail: Pina Colada
Cocktail Roulette Veto Ingredient: Whiskey
Likes: Malteasers, A good book & a warm bed with clean sheets
Twitter: @angelalharrison

Helen

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Aka: Newman, Helly Nelly
Favourite Drink: Prosecco
Favourite Cocktail: Peach Bellini
Cocktail Roulette Veto Ingredient: Banana Liquor
Likes: Swimming, Reality TV & Marmite sandwiches
Twitter: @honestlyhelen

Janine

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Aka: J9, Janice, El Nino
Favourite Drink: Rum & Coke
Favourite Cocktail: Raspberry Mojito
Cocktail Roulette Veto Ingredient: Tequila
Likes: Dancing, Rocking out of the guitar & adventures in the countryside
Twitter: @janineweightman

Steph

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Aka: Stephalupagus, Princess Stephanie of Longbenton
Favourite Drink: Gin & Tonic
Favourite Cocktail: Margarita
Cocktail Roulette Veto Ingredient: Coke
Likes: Drinks with friends, little adventures & gym gains
Twitter: @stephswinners

 

MTV’s The Challenge: Battle of the Exes 2 Drinking Game

‘All’s fair in love, war and challenges’ – Johnny Bananas

I wouldn’t even go so far as to say that MTV’s Real World/Road Rules spin of show The Challenge is one of my guilty pleasures, I don’t feel guilty about how much I love this show at all!

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Anyone who watches the show regularly will know that there are a lot of common themes that show up time and time again each season, so I figured, why not marry that with the only love of my life; booze!

I’ve devised a very simple drinking game to spice up your viewing experience of the current season (Battle of the Exes 2) which kicked off this week*

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We’ll start off gently….

Take a sip every time….

  • Someone is referred to as a ‘veteran’ or ‘fresh meat’
  • Someone is voted into an elimination round by the rest of the cast
  • Someone cries (for any reason)
  • Someone smack talks another cast member in a VT
  • The word ‘alliance’ is mentioned

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Take two sips every time……

  • A clue is received from TJ on whatever mobile device is being shamelessly plugged this season
  • TJ says ‘get it done’ or ‘you need to pick it up’
  • Someone is topless (girls or guys) when there’s no requirement to be ie. Not in the shower, sleeping, swimming etc
  • Someone refers to Johnny Bananas as simply ‘Bananas’

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Finish your drink every time…

  • CT wins a challenge
  • The least popular team wins an elimination round & the remaining teams are pissed off
  • There’s a hookup
  • There’s a breakup

Now to ramp up a little…

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Take a shot every time…

  • Someone is stumped by a puzzle
  • An item of furniture is thrown
  • TJ announces some kind of twist
  • Johnny Bananas refers to himself in the third person

And finally….

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Take 2 shots every time…..

  • TJ says how much he hates quitters
  • Someone says ‘balls to the wall’ or ‘going for the W’
  • The location of the challenge changes
  • Someone gets sent home for breaking the rules

*it goes without saying that this is all just a bit of fun, please drink responsibly!